On a Sunday evening, at exactly 7:40PM, Ella finished setting up her solo game of Mage Knight. As per her calculations, this left three more hours before she had to go to bed, which would be enough time for the scenario sprawled across the oak table. Unaccounted for was the bare lightbulb socket, which had flickered to black as she finished the expansion rules in the waning daylight. With pursed lips and a short sigh, Ella pulled the rope up to the old attic. Dusty, unlabelled boxes dotted the room. Ella rolled up her sleeves.<\/p>\n
10 precious minutes later, hands covered in dirt older than her, Ella\u2019s sneaker crunched through an aging box of lightbulbs. \u201cDamnit,\u201d she whispered. Crouching down, Ella glanced around the mangled box in search of another\u2014but instead, sitting in the corner beside a yellowed bottle of kerosene, lay an old oil lamp. She cracked a smile. A little thematic for her tastes, but it would do. As she climbed back down the steep stairs, Ella gave the lamp a quick rub with her already dusty hands.<\/p>\n
A glowing blue smoke drifted out of the filthy lamp.<\/p>\n
From the smoke emerged an unfamiliar woman, dressed in thin silk robes and shimmering with a faint phosphoresce.<\/p>\n
\u201cGreetings. Thank you for freeing me from my imprisonment. I am the genie of the lamp, and I can grant you three wishes.\u201d<\/p>\n
Ella blinked, pausing to think. \u201c\u2026Don\u2019t you mean djinn?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI- huh?\u201d The old spirit scratched her head. \u201cI mean, the language is localized for you. I take the form of your culture\u2019s representation.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cCan you put on something more sensible then?\u201d Ella gestured at the spirit\u2019s outfit. \u201cIt\u2019s cold here, and you\u2019re giving me Five Tribes 1<\/i>st<\/i> Edition <\/i>vibes.\u201d She held up a finger: \u201cThat\u2019s not a wish, by the way.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhatever works for you.\u201d The spirit snapped her fingers, now dressed in jeans and a loose cardigan. \u201cBetter?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah, it\u2019ll work.\u201d Ella sat down beside her forgotten game, motioning for the spirit to take a seat beside her. \u201cSo I get what. Three wishes, you said?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThree wishes, that is correct.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAlright.\u201d Ella\u2019s brow furrowed. \u201cSo three wishes. Are there any rules? I want to know what I\u2019m dealing with.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou can\u2019t wish for more wishes.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDarn. Oh-\u201d Ella\u2019s eyes squinted with suspicion. \u201cAre you going to screw me over with this? Like, if I wished to win every board game I play, would you make it so that I just never play any board games again?\u201d<\/p>\n
A hint of a smile crossed the spirit\u2019s lips. \u201cI shall grant you exactly what you ask.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSo yes<\/i>,\u201d Ella replied, altogether a little too sassy for talking to an ancient power. She grabbed her laptop, still warm from reading the Mage Knight FAQ. \u201cGive me a minute.\u201d After a few Google searches (and even some Bing), Ella raised her eyes to meet the woman across the table.<\/p>\n
\u201cOkay, I\u2019ve decided on wish one. I want to wish for unlimited access to wish-granting genies who will dutifully grant my wishes, at my discretion, indefinitely.\u201d<\/p>\n
The spirit shook her head. \u201cThat\u2019s basically just wishing for more wishes.\u201d<\/p>\n
Ella\u2019s fist pounded the table. \u201cWell dammit! I planned my whole strategy around that! You should have been more clear when you explained the rules. I\u2019m guessing that means you can\u2019t give me the power to grant my own wishes either, then?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat is correct.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cUgh<\/i>, fine. Do you mind if I think out loud here?\u201d Again, the spirit shook her head. \u201cOkay great. So if I wish for a million dollars\u2026\u201d The spirit flexed her fingers, ready to grant the wish. \u201cNo, wait! I have to min\/max this.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019ll wait,\u201d said the spirit, her face a mix of amusement and impatience.<\/p>\n
\u201cSo if I wish for a million dollars, I\u2019m going to have a million dollars. Which is pretty nice. But if I wish for a billion<\/i> dollars, that\u2019s way more.\u201d Ella tented her dirty fingers. \u201cThe problem is that a billion dollars is so much money\u2014and like, where does it come from, you know? I\u2019m not really trying to maximize my money here. I\u2019m trying to maximize my happiness stat<\/i>. I\u2019ll call that my H-stat.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSure, your H-stat,\u201d the spirit echoed absentmindedly, waving her to get on with it.<\/p>\n
\u201cSo I want to maximize my H-stat, but how much money is actually needed to do that? I read something that said lottery winners are actually less<\/i> happy, because they spend it all and end up more destitute than they were before. So that would just damage my H-stat and use up all my resources. Maybe I should wish I was rich all along!\u201d<\/p>\n
The spirit readied her powers, a glow coming from her index finger.<\/p>\n
\u201cStop!\u201d Ella pointed at the spirit, who lowered her hands with an eye roll. \u201cI\u2019m just having some analysis paralysis, jeez. So like, the problem is, if I was rich all along<\/i>, I won\u2019t even notice a change in my H-stat. Because it won\u2019t have changed anything from my perspective! How would that help me? Blarghhh. Let\u2019s start again.\u201d<\/p>\n
The spirit put her head in her hands. \u201cOkay.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSo I have three wishes<\/i>. You know, this is kind of about your power to make my wishes true. It\u2019s just one poof and it\u2019s done, right?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s right,\u201d the spirit nodded, picking a piece of lint off her new cardigan.<\/p>\n
\u201cSo since this is a discrete wish-granting opportunity, it\u2019s really more of a one-time use than an ongoing effect. Because you\u2019re<\/i> granting the wishes, these are kind of like you have actions<\/i>. Wish actions. I guess that means I have three action points. I could<\/i> just ask you to maximize my H-stat. Could you just do that? Would that work? Not a wish yet.\u201d<\/p>\n
The spirit blinked. \u201cH-stat?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes<\/i>, my H-stat. But if you maximize that I guess you could just bliss me out on some happy drug and I would either die of overdose<\/i> or go through my life totally oblivious to everything around me. I don\u2019t want that!\u201d Ella tapped her foot as she thought. \u201cSo my H-stat might not even be my objective here. If I\u2019m looking for fulfillment, what\u2019s actually going to maximize my situation is a whole bunch of different point metrics\u2014accomplishments, interpersonal relationships, comfort\u2014but does it really count if I just get you to give me those things? Is that like playing with a handicap?\u201d<\/p>\n
If it was possible, the old spirit looked tired.<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd on top of that, what\u2019s my most efficient use of the three action points to maximize my different scores?\u201d Ella\u2019s eyes widened, suddenly getting an idea. She pulled out her phone. \u201cI know exactly what I have to do.\u201d<\/p>\n
The spirit leaned in, eager to be done. \u201cWhat is it that you wish?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo, no.\u201d Ella smiled as the spirit slumped into the chair. \u201cI\u2019m texting some friends that they should come over. We have a few scenarios to playtest, and it\u2019s only one hour and thirty-five minutes until I have to go to bed.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
In the dim light of the evening, a pedantic rules lawyer finds a magic lamp. Check out this short story that pokes fun at our favourite cube-pushers.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":31,"featured_media":7599,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"MSN_Categories":"Uncategorized","MSN_Publish_Option":false,"MSN_Is_Local_News":false,"MSN_Is_AIAC_Included":"Empty","MSN_Location":"[]","MSN_Add_Feature_Img_On_Top_Of_Post":false,"MSN_Has_Custom_Author":false,"MSN_Custom_Author":"","MSN_Has_Custom_Canonical_Url":false,"MSN_Custom_Canonical_Url":"","footnotes":""},"tags":[],"coauthors":[1580],"class_list":["post-7598","articles","type-articles","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-article"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\n